Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Perfect Moment (in a not-so-perfect day)

I just came downstairs after unlocking my sleeping baby boy's arms from around my neck, and quietly tip-toeing out of his room and slowly closing his door.

I didn't want to unlock his arms. I wanted to lay right beside him for hours into the night.

You see, our day started out horribly.

Both kids are getting over a feverish/coughing/sneezing sickness, and last night was no exception. I thought I was going to bed early last night at 11pm and was excited about the idea of feeling rested when the morning came.

I was wrong.

Maddox was up between 2:30-3:30am with a bad dream, needing a bathroom break, and me realizing that he needed more cough medicine. He was also delirious and seeing things in his room. That's alway fun. Needless to say, I was exhausted when the chaos of the day woke me up at 7am. (And that was a lot of sleep for me.)

I woke up tired. Grouchy. Snippy. Headache-y. Or the other 4 words: A Very Bad Mood.

Maggie was extra loud (the child has the vocals of an opera singer....no lie), Maddox was extra whiny (I know, I know....he's sick), Chad was leaving early, and I was not ready for the day yet.

I'm embarrassed as I look back over the day. I had no patience for anything they did. There was screaming, yelling, anger, tears.....and the embarrassing part was that it wasn't the kids.

It was me. :(

And I'm sad about it. That's not the mom I normally am and it's definitely not the mom I want to be. I need a break like you wouldn't believe, but it's no excuse. They are babies and I am their teacher.

How can I be angry at these children? Look at these faces! They are precious, even when they are disobeying every word out of my mouth and fighting over a toy at every turn.

I have to sit back and rethink my direction when this happens. Yes, I literally sit there and think of what I can do to diffuse my frustration and then act on it as fast as possible. Today I finally got it under control (by doing an impromptu photo shoot with them - these are the outtakes) and we had a pleasant evening together. (Thank you, God, for answering that repeated prayer.)

So as I lay there next to my first baby tonight (who is 4.5, mind you), with his little hands clasped and tangled in the hair at the back of my neck and his precious cheek resting on my forehead as he softly snores, I feel my tears start. Not tears of sadness, but because of the thought that the roots of our love are so deep. We can all have an occasional bad day with our babies, but it's what we plant in their hearts that will remain. And then there are tears for the amazing forgiveness he has for me, his innocence, his faith in me that my love is continuous. I pray that he and Maggie won't remember the horrible parts of today. And I don't think they will. I don't remember the bad days with my parents. I remember the loving moments more than anything!

Before Maddox fell asleep, I said "Let's talk to Jesus and then you need to go to sleep." He just squeezed my neck tight and whispered, "No....not yet." So I waited. We spoke to Jesus together, but I waited there with him. We both needed that time, and I'm so glad I took it instead of being in a rush to go clean the kitchen and the rest of the day's tornado.

A perfect stolen moment....just me and my babe.


greenchickadee said...

I'm just telling you, you are NOT alone on those days. And in some ways it gets so much easier the older they get, and in other ways, it doesn't change much. But at least the joys keep shining through those days. At least! And one day, you'll notice that it went just perfectly, without even having to try. Wishing you many surprising things for today!


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