Friday, June 26, 2009

My "Hose" Man

 Let me start the story by saying that I'm sick. I'm not sure what it is yet, but my teeth ache (usually the sign of a sinus infection for me), my head hurts, my nose is very stuffy, and my whole body just aches. (And no, that's not from the Zumba class I did this week.) Magdalen was sick first. Then me, and now we wake up today and Maddox is sick. Yippee. 

Chad heads off to work with me saying "I just want to cry, honey" because I know this day is going to be rough. But what does crying do? Nothing. So, as a Mom, you just suck it up and go on with life. 

I had a million errands to do. I ran to Hobby Lobby to buy fabric for a craft for Sabbath School tomorrow. (Joseph and his crazy coat). We went through drive-thru at Taco Bell because I'm just too sick to find food and too sick to go grocery shopping right now. We came home and after lunch I somehow (praise Jesus) got them down for a nap/quiet time at the SAME TIME. I actually think I slept for a total of 45 minutes, with interruptions every 15 minutes. But hey! At least I slept. 

After nap time, I was feeling like I might be able to finish my errands. Magdalen was fed and all I needed to do was get her downstairs and in her car seat. I told Maddox to put his shoes on and stand right by the door and wait. What was I thinking? That he would be standing there when I rounded the stair banister? Of course not, silly Amanda. Let's just blame it on being sick, shall we? What I found when I came down was no Maddox. I called for him and he said, "I DO have to pee, Mommy!" I'm not one to stop a 3 year old from using the toilet before errands, so I waited. 

As I was messing with Magdalen's car seat buckles, I heard Maddox say "Help me." This wasn't out of the ordinary because we hear this a lot when he waits too long to head to the bathroom. I turned around and saw him with his pants around his knees. I asked if he had peed yet. He said yes. So, I came over to help him pull his pants back up and he says it again..."Help me." I looked up and was very confused. The hair on his forehead was soaking wet and it was dripping down his face a little. He kept pushing his hair to the side. I said, "Buddy! What did you do?" Here's what he said:

"I peed on my hair!!!" 

Now, I'm sorry. I have never thought of such a thing I guess, because I'm a girl. My first reaction was horror. Mainly because we were literally about to walk out the door. My second reaction was to laugh my head off. I started laughing and then it got even better. 

I said, "Dude...your pee comes out way down there and your hair is way up here. How did you do that?!?!" And my second favorite quote of the day was him saying in a dead serious tone, "Well, I sat down on the potty and starting peeing and I guess I just decided to be a hose man!" (WHAT?!?! I almost fell on the floor laughing at that one.)

To horrify you even more, I will openly admit that we didn't have time to change, much less bathe, so I scrubbed his head with a paper towel, washed his hands and face and off we went to run errands. I know it's not the Amanda you think you know, but desperate times call for desperate measures and I am desperately sick and only have two hands and 24 hours in a day. We had to buy a wedding gift for our nanny's shower tomorrow evening, pick up Gretchen at the groomer, get gas since my gas light came on while out, and pick up Panera for supper. Another meal out.

As we got in the car and I was almost crying because I was still laughing so hard, he said to me, "Mommy. You know I love you EVEN when I'm mad at you. I'm always loving you." Now that my friends, is worthy of "Favorite Quote" status. I love this kid. I love him enough to go out in public looking like white trash. Me un-showered, Magdalen with a gross runny nose, and Maddox with gross runny nose and PEE HEAD. I was just praying that he wouldn't tell anyone while we were out.

It comes and goes though. While holding a fussy Magdalen and getting him in bed for the night, he got mad at me and screamed, "You're stupid!" I asked him where he had heard that at because I promise you we don't use those words. He had no answer and went to bed. We'll just blame it on being sick again, right? =) The day is over. The house is a wreck. But Maddox is bathed and he and his sister are sleeping sweetly.

Sweet dreams, my little man. I love you even when I'm mad at you. =)


Brooke said...

Hilarious Amanda! And you've given me something new to be thankful for - that my daughter can't pee on her hair =)

Carl Sax said...

A hilarious, classic story Amanda! I can't wait to share it with Rebecca. :)

Richard said...

All boys like being "hose men".

Shelly said...


This is priceless! I laughed so hard. So glad you wrote it down for us to enjoy. Being a mom definitely requires stepping out of character from time to time. It keeps me humble. When people look at me like "why does your kid have stuff on her face" I just think...they must not have kids, or they have forgotten. I hope you feel better soon and that the hose man keeps his hair dry.

Tina said...

ohhh Amanda, I will be laughing all night long. Thank you for the humor, it helps to see that other mom's have just as exciting days as I do. Hope you feel better soon!

Alisa said...

Oohh, I'm crying at work again!! I should not read your blogs while I'm here! =)


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Blog Template by - Header Frame by Pixels and Ice Cream
Sponsored by Free Web Space