Saturday, January 10, 2009

Juggling Two

As I've mentioned before, Maddox had a lot of adjusting to do. He was the center of our world (like most parents, I know) before Maggie came along. But more specifically, he was my little buddy. Because of Chad's long work hours, no family in town, my limited contact with friends in his first 1-2 years....we were inseparable. I could talk to him like a miniature adult, within reason, and we had so much fun just hanging out together. I could read him like no other. 

But then pregnancy and Maggie came along. Whew. My side of our relationship was as upset as his side, I'm sure. I have never in my life felt so much guilt, so much loss, so much sadness while in the midst of a wonderful new experience in my life. I felt like Maddox was looking at me with loneliness every time I held Maggie. I felt like his sudden waking in the night was all my fault. I felt like I was deceiving him and I had NO IDEA how to overcome those feelings. I wasn't sure whether to address it with him or just wait until he said something. How do you know?! 

My answer came soon enough. He had a meltdown one evening. Didn't want Chad and was very rude to him, but wouldn't tell us what was wrong. I could see it wasn't a discipline issue but more something he was feeling. I was nursing Maggie at the time (even worse timing) and while Chad held him, I gently asked him if he was sad or mad or what. He clearly told us, "I want Mommy to hold me....all by myself." Well, right then, I just couldn't hold my tears in any longer. I had him crawl up in my lap, Maggie and all, and showed him that there was totally still room for him. My chest was hurting from the guilt, the pain of knowing he was hurting, and that there was nothing at this point I could do  except keep reassuring him that he was still our number 1 boy. Thankfully, it was a turning point. He was wiped out from the stress, but had been trying so hard to act like nothing was wrong. And that is soooo Maddox. So aware for what I feel is beyond his years. Extremely perceptive.

Here's the pooped out little guy. He quit taking naps shortly after he turned 2. Much to my horror. But Maggie's entrance to our world took a toll on him. Here is one of the few naps he had that 3rd year. 

And of course, Blanket is always within reach. =)

Chad giving Maddox a bath.

Just trying to keep it modest, people. ;)

He loves make believe and can make up the most amazing story lines while playing. The best ones are the ones I sneak up on and try to listen to. I'm always proud of his amazing imagination.

Not that a banana-phone is that amazing. But these pictures were cute. Ha!

My first attempt at putting them to bed by myself. I wore Maggie in the sling while I did bathtime, storytime, prayers, etc. It was an experience. Mom was there still but I told her not to help me so I could see how hard it was going to be. Guess what? IT IS HARD!!!!!!

For my sake, but more for Maddox's,  we finally have things under control. Thank You, God.



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